I give the laces of my cleats a quick tug before jogging out onto the turf. Nervously, I nod at my teammates, a conglomeration of ex-collegiate players and middle-aged men clad in fluorescent t-shirts. My first touch sends the ball six feet away, and I wince. Shoot, what was that? This is my first time playing in the Shelburne pickup league, and I want to make a good first impression. Sure, it’s supposed to be just for fun, but I can’t shake the voice in my head: You can do better.
Perfectionist thoughts still plague me on the soccer field, even though I stopped playing seriously before college. Years of competition trained me to push myself to the limit: Footskill sessions on the hard gym floor, beep tests that made my legs burn and my lungs ache, penalty shootouts after every practice. I worried that if I wasn’t the same driven athlete I was in high school, I wouldn’t be respected at Middlebury.
At Middlebury, being athletic is the norm. Whether that’s because one-third of the population is student-athletes, or because of the vast number of year-round outdoor activities, the college tends to attract a certain kind of person. In the last two decades, many students have struggled with over-exercise and eating disorders, problems exacerbated by the perfectionist culture around campus. One story by a Middlebury student even made it into the New York Times. Though I love and deeply appreciate being part of such an athletic community, it has been incredibly challenging for me to transition away from competitive sports. I’ve always found pride in my athleticism, and I wasn’t sure if I still deserved that if my athletic pursuits became less goal-driven.
Like me, Francesca Bradley ’25.5 struggles with her relationship to competition and exercise in college. “I exercise more when I’m at Middlebury than when I’m at home…because it’s just such a huge part of life here,” she said.
I couldn’t agree more. It feels like it’s just one of the expectations of being a student here. Even for club sports members, it’s typical to fit in a run or gym session before practice in the afternoon. The current “marathon epidemic,” as Francesca aptly put it, speaks to the intensity of athletics on campus. For many students, it’s not just about exercising for fun, but meeting a milestone. There’s nothing inherently wrong with being goal-oriented, but it can be dangerous when exercise becomes intertwined with self-worth. My own voice is a constant reminder: You only ran for a half hour today? That’s not enough.
The morning light slanted through the library’s second-floor window as Francesca talked. “It’s not like people are outwardly comparing… It feels like some very unspoken, subtle thing,” she continued thoughtfully. Her words sounded remarkably familiar to me. The ‘unspoken’ element of exercise habits seems to be well articulated by the concept of “effortless perfection” that author Caralena Peterson (BLSE ’23) describes in her book, “The Effortless Perfection Myth.” You have to be fit, but you can’t let anyone know you’re trying.
Middlebury has long been a place of athletic excellence, claiming 123 NESCAC Championships and 49 team national championships throughout its history. Student-athletes have a lot to live up to, and they can also set very high expectations for themselves. Lulu Baker ’27 echoed this sentiment to me last year when we connected to explore the dynamics on her cross-country team. “Some people can put way too much pressure on themselves with school, being a twenty-year-old in college, and being an athlete,” she said.
“It can be very hard to watch,” Lulu reflected. I was impressed with her perceptiveness and glad that she didn't seem to put this pressure on herself. Perfectionism is particularly relevant to cross-country, where success is often defined by clear-cut goals.
In Lulu’s time on the team, a culture of care and support has helped minimize the impacts of this pressure. I listened closely as she described how Nicole Wilkerson, the Head Cross Country Coach, cultivates a supportive atmosphere. Meetings about body image, conversations around team culture, and individual check-ins are some of Nicole’s “motherly” approaches, as Lulu fondly called them. Nicole is clearly incredibly attuned to the perfectionist tendencies of her athletes, which is especially important in an endurance sport where success is tied to concrete numbers.
“Managing expectations is so much more of my job than managing what the workouts are,” Nicole emphasized as we chatted in the busy halls of the athletic center. She has clearly dealt with a lot of this in her work and seemed saddened by the amount of pressure that athletes can put on themselves. To combat this perfectionist narrative, she tells her runners to strive for “B+ days,” a lesson that could extend to any athletic student at Middlebury. For others, such as Francesca, reorienting exercise around fun has helped her shift her relationship with athletics.
I have long struggled to transition away from competitive soccer and develop a less serious relationship with exercise. Despite continuing to play recreationally, it feels harder to define myself as an athlete in a culture that deeply values intensity and performance. While Middlebury students often know how to push themselves, it is also important to know how to stop. Fitness shouldn’t be synonymous with self-worth, yet it often feels that way here. The “work hard, play hard” culture can be destructive, and as Francesca emphasized, it is equally important to “rest hard.”
