Et tu, Sweaterpants? - 11/4/10

Though I am a firm believer in the flexibility and personalization of fashion, there are certain things that will never be in style; socially blacklisted trends most commonly created in the name of comfort that may only ever be worn with the self-awareness that they break all the rules of mainstream well-established visual aesthetics. Mullets, jean on jean outfits, hats with animal ears or faces, overmatching, sweatpants, Crocs, mid-calf socks with shorts, socks with sandals, clothes that don’t fit, spandex, white after Labor Day — some things just don’t ever work, no matter how hard you try.

Three weeks ago I was at the airport when I saw a man in a blazer wearing shorts and sneakers. It was like his torso was going to a wedding and his legs were going hiking in the Adirondacks. Consistency and subtly are key, if you’re going to make a conspicuously unconventional stylistic choice, you want it to represent you, your personality and authenticity, instead of making people double-take out of sheer confusion.

My black list consists of two main categories of clothing failure — the first being the quest for apathetic comfort (Crocs) and the second being conspicuous counter-cultural or mainstream ignorant choices (the mullet).

Now comfort and practicality are a huge part of fashion; clothes are, first and foremost for keeping us warm and sufficiently modest.  There are of course, many instances where we sacrifice our comfort in the name of looking good. High heels, corsets, short dresses in the dead of winter, skinny jeans — we like to feel attractive, expressive and true to ourselves in order to project outwardly what we feel, or wish to feel inwardly. But there are just as frequently times when we feel gross, tired and apathetic towards our appearance, or perhaps we just don’t have enough time in our busy schedule to care. This is when the sweatpants come out.

Before heading off to Middlebury I asked my dad if he had any advice for me to put into practice as I ventured out in the world. “No sweatpants,” he said. I paused. “Wait … what?” I finally asked, confused beyond words. He explained to me that sweatpants had the potential to be my archenemy over the next four years — you get lazy, he said, you get busy, gain the “Freshman 15” and you don’t even realize it because you’re never wearing real pants. Then you can’t fit into your real pants, so you keep wearing sweatpants till your apathy has crept over you and you own 10 pairs. Et tu, Sweatpants? Apparently, apathy can stab you in the back.

Now I’m not saying don’t wear comfortable clothes. I own a pair or two of secret sweatpants, and a pair of emergency jeans for those long stretches of winter laziness where I’m not quite skinny enough for my skinny jeans. Comfort is a beautiful thing, but just be careful to not let it define your style. Caring and creation are also equally as important when it comes to fashion. Expression doesn’t have to die in the name of cold weather or lack of sleep. It’s all about balance.

The second category of black listed trends is a little harder to pin down because style is subjective and should be a very personal form of expression. However, when something is generally accepted as being unattractive, it doesn’t hurt to listen. Take Uggs, for instance. You can wear them — as long as you realize how ridiculous they look with a jean skirt. Crocs fall along the same lines; they look like middle-aged woman gardening shoes. A mullet, unless it’s ironic, will always make you look like your name is Jed and overmatching makes you look like you’re in middle school. Clothes should fit; no one wants to see your underwear, and contrary to popular belief, its painful to see a girl wearing pants that look like they’re about to cut off her circulation.  Just be self-aware, fight the desire to be lazy! As in all things, effort pays off when it comes to clothes — look good, feel good, do good.

Mary-Caitlin Hentz is a super senior from Dover, MA.