In My Humble Opinion Trick or get wasted

Author: Daniel Roberts

One of my favorite activities off-campus is to strike up conversations with people from town. One recent exchange began at CVS when my friend and I noticed an older woman at the counter, purchasing numerous bags of candy.

"Getting ready for trick-or-treaters?" I asked. She gave a dejected look and said, "Yes, but we really don't get any so it's always a waste." What? No trick-or-treaters? How could there possibly be a lack of kids wishing to knock on doors and beg like hobos for fun-size chocolate bars?

I regret that the last time I went trick-or-treating was eighth grade. I wore my grandfather's army helmet and jacket, a role I reprised years later at a high school barn party. I recall hazy images of chicks dressed as Spice Girls, and people making out in closets. My memories of the trick-or-treating years are much crisper. I only wish I had grabbed my pillowcase once or twice more to go hunt for candy and even the occasional raisin box from my "healthy" neighbor - every street has one and every kid hates him.

Yet on college campuses everywhere, very little trick-or-treating that occurs these days. Last year I spent Halloween in a Milliken suite playing beirut. I wore a cowboy vest to have some sort of costume, but it wasn't the same. I returned to my room, drunk. Sure, it was fun, but it might have been more fun for my roommate if I had returned with a bag of sweets.

Why do college kids feel they cannot go out and knock on some doors in town? This year let's improve our town-gown relations. Let's bust down the walls of age constraints.

Some of you may wonder how the topic of Halloween could possibly be an important "social issue." Well, the controversy of Halloween has more cultural significance than you may have realized. Each year, more public schools decide to not allow kids to wear costumes to school for various politically correct reasons, even though Halloween is a tradition. It is about returning to your childhood for just one night. It is about abandoning the "norm" of what you are expected to do, and saying, "I may be in college, but I still like candy."

I speak of tradition with great nostalgia and care. I respect tradition. For example, I honor the rules of the salt game. You only get one toss per meal, and you don't throw the pepper. Play by the rules or don't play at all. Similarly, I follow the unwritten laws of the yellow bike program. Stop locking one up so it will still be there later, jerk. Have a little respect for tradition.

Mister Athlete, this Tuesday night, don't shut up and lift. Instead, shut up, pull out that funny Bill Clinton mask I know you have in your closet and head into town. And you, Miss Library Hermit, put the books away. I bet Professor Dry will understand. Pin on your fuzzy tail and start knocking on doors.

If you do not want to be seen collecting candy in a bag, why not enjoy a scary movie at the library? Do you like seeing hot girls get chopped up? "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" is pretty crazy. How about kids acting creepy? Rent "The Exorcist." You can fall asleep later, picturing Linda Blair's head twisting around and around. A fresh new take on the bedtime ailment we call "the spins."

Do something to celebrate. My sister used to go trick-or-treating when she was at Dartmouth. A buddy of mine at UCLA said they get dressed up and go out to bars. This works too. Just don't put on jeans and a t-shirt and do keg stands at Ross. What's scary about that?