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Saturday, Dec 2, 2023

Moyer Breaks Down IM Football Super Bowl

Author: Matt Waxman Staff Writer

What happens when you return to Middlebury for an extra semester just to defend the intramural (IM) football Super Bowl title and you lose? Just ask Max Moyer, '01.5. What do you do with your time when you've been devoting 55 hours a week to IM football logistics and all of a sudden the season is over? Again, just ask Max Moyer. What do you do if you spent 38 straight hours awake, mind racing on study drugs, carefully carving an old sailor out of pine for your Super Bowl trophy and you have to hand it over to a long-haired Jim Shultz '02? I recently sat down with league MVP runner-up Max Moyer (MM) to discuss these questions and many others the night after his team, Super Tuanis lost the Super Bowl, 38-31 to the Chocolate Salties.

MW: Before we begin, let me say that I thought you guys played a terrific —

MM: Save it.

MW: Alrighty then. Rank this loss up with the worst moments of your life — watching your dog get run over, the now infamous summer camp shower incident, falling off the wagon after such a promising first 21 years.

MM: Well, there's no doubt. It's right up there.

MW: John Parsons, '02, after the game, told everyone that he was the difference despite not having a single reception. Do you agree?

MM: Well, he's really smart, just ask him. He was able to get into our heads and throw us off our game psychologically. I think we underestimated him and that probably cost us the game.

MW: Talk a moment about your own team.

MM: I am really proud of our guys. Nat "Life's not just good, it's grrrrreat" Kellogg '01.5 played with a sprained neck. Eli "Yo" Mello '01.5, blocked a player in Sebby Astrada, '02 that was twice his size and had similar body hair patterns. Gilby Gilbertson '02, joined an elite list of great kids with ridiculous names. I would go to battle with these guys any time.

MW: You announced publicly that if Super Tuanis lost the game, you would sneak into Derek "Boom chica-rocka chicka-rocka" Chicarilli's '02 room and cut off his ponytail. By now, the word is out you went through with it. Do you feel better?

MM: Derek's a good sport, except he holds all game.

MW: Is it true that you arranged for champagne to be given to the winners but left it in the car when your team lost?

MM: No comment.

MW: Because if it is, that's pretty —

MM: Next question.

MW: The consensus seemed to be that play by play announcer, Jake "Been lootin" Mnookin" '01.5 would have been a lot funnier with a few drinks in him. Do you think this is more a statement on college student's social dependency on alcohol or more a statement on Jake?

MM: You'd have to ask Jake that.

MW: Any thoughts of returning next fall to regain the title?

MM: Check's already in the mail.