SPECS Panther Column — Flipping the Script on Harmful Media Portrayals of Sex and Intimacy

While conversation about the enemies-to-lovers hockey series, “Heated Rivalry”, has undoubtedly cooled off, SPECS Panther is here to look at what it gets right about healthy relationships, communication and consent in contemporary media.

In many forms of media — from television series to pornography — sexual and intimate relationships can feel either devoid of communication or outright toxic. For instance, characters out of the blue arrive at conclusions about what they want out of a physical or sexual encounter, eschewing even the mention of boundaries, expectations or consent. Communication — a complex yet essential element of intimacy — ends up sidelined in favor of assumption.

The concern with these portrayals can be understood through sexual script theory. The theory suggests that people develop “scripts” for how sex and relationships are supposed to work based on their upbringing, environments, influences and past experiences. These scripts are mental guidelines that impact how people understand sex and intimacy and how they expect it to unfold. They influence things like who initiates, how communication happens (or doesn’t), what kinds of behaviors are considered “normal” and how consent and desire are interpreted.

Since scripts are socially constructed, sexually relevant media plays a role in their fabrication by continually presenting certain behaviors as incorrect, normal and/or desirable. For example, studies have found that, among young American adults, more frequent pornography use is associated with greater acceptance of rape myths and rigid gender norms. This relationship is strongest among those who are less skeptical of media messages. Among those who are more skeptical of media messages, however, the association disappears. This distinction is important because it suggests that awareness of harmful media portrayals can soften their impact on how we understand sex and intimacy.

Recognizing harmful patterns present in the media is critical. Without being able to question the harmful sexual scripts we internalize, we risk carrying assumptions about boundaries and communication into our own sexual relationships, increasing the likelihood of misunderstanding or harm. SPECS emphasizes that, because people’s bodies, identities, preferences and experiences differ, effective communication often requires asking specific questions rather than relying on assumptions or past encounters.

While many media portrayals of sex and relationships can reinforce harmful assumptions, other narratives offer more nuanced depictions. Shane and Ilya’s relationship in “Heated Rivalry”, for example, emphasizes communication, consent and mutual understanding. 

In their earliest sexual encounter, Shane and Ilya continue to reassess one another’s boundaries and desires: both characters ask questions and adjust their actions in response to verbal and non-verbal cues. Careful communication is important in casual sexual experiences, where partners may not know each other well or have a prior sexual history. In thesemore casual contexts, understanding preferences and boundaries can be tricky, making active communication all the more important so that everyone can be fully enthusiastic and engaged. 

SPECS emphasizes the use of the FRIES acronym for consent (Freely Given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific), which exemplifies that consent is ongoing and can be revoked at any time. While explicit communication may feel awkward at first, as shown through Shane and Ilya’s initial interactions, it is a necessary part of any healthy sexual encounter. It’s entirely okay if these conversations feel uncomfortable to have. Talking about sex and boundaries openly is a skill that we aren’t often taught but is one that we can learn.

As Shane and Ilya’s relationship deepens throughout the show, so do their interactions. What were once mostly physical encounters gain an emotional intensity, which requires a renegotiation of boundaries and relationship labels. This shift highlights core components of the FRIES acronym, particularly reversibility and enthusiasm. Reversibility reminds us that consent can be withdrawn or changed at any time, such as when feelings change or opinions shift. What felt comfortable in an earlier, more casual context may not align with a long-term partner’s needs later on. Enthusiasm illustrates the importance of genuine desire. Rather than passive compliance, partners should feel excited about their engagement in sexual activity. Shane and Ilya’s dynamic makes it clear that consent is not something granted once and then simply carried forward indefinitely. It is, instead, an ongoing component of a relationship that can be revisited, withdrawn and reshaped as needed.

In the context of harmful portrayals of intimacy in media, “Heated Rivalry” is refreshing. Shane and Ilya’s relationship in the show demonstrates that communication should not be omitted but should be underscored to build emotional depth, foster mutual understanding and create space for trust and respect. Unlike how many relationships in popular media make it seem, healthy sexual and intimate relationships are characterized by a willingness to ask questions, to listen and to adapt.