Inside the Locker Room

This season, the one question on the minds of the Panther football team is not the win tally for the fall or the number of records QB Donnie McKillop ’11 will break, but when was the last time Dola got a haircut?

Defensive lineman Chris Dola ’12 is not only distinguished by completing the second-most sacks on the team last season, he unquestionably wins the best hair award with a stellar flow 14 months in the making. The Campus set up an epic showdown between his roommate and number-one fan Edwin Nuñez ’12 and fellow linebacker Patrick Downey ’12 to see who can better see beyond the flowing brunette locks and into the mind of “Diesel D.”

The competition proved to be an absolute blowout, with roommate bonding far outweighing time spent on the field, the bus and in the football locker room. Sensing that Edwin represented a formidable opponent (he seems to know Dola almost better than Dola knows himself), Patrick Downey apparently decided to opt for the tried-and-true tactic of throwing his teammate under the bus.

While his answers were in many cases drastically far off the mark –– it’s hard to think of two animals more different than a gazelle and a sloth –– Patrick’s responses offer an entertaining perspective on the linebacker. Let’s be real, when you think of a 6’3”, 230-pound football player, a gazelle is not the first creature that comes to mind, and both Patrick’s and Edwin’s answers hold some grains of truth. Nevertheless, Dola stuck by his pick in the face of this blatant ridicule, retorting, “Have you ever seen me run? It’s graceful.”

Despite being thrown off by this surprise twist in Dola’s personality, Edwin remained spot-on in most of the rest of his answers, even reminding Dola what his favorite girly music was. Patrick, meanwhile, attacked Dola’s personal hygiene and dated his hairstyle back to the questionable fashion styles of the 60s. Furthermore, he essentially accused Dola of stealing as well as of being a closet Backstreet Boys aficionado. It became clear that Patrick was not taking the competition seriously, however, when he put down Dola’s least favorite player on the Redskins, Andrew Haynesworth, as opposed to the favorite, Portis. Dola does not joke about the Redskins.

The multi-talented Dola’s aspirations of being a country singer were also unknown to both competitors –– apparently he’s not one to sing in the shower. On this one, Edwin joined Downey and took his first dig at Dola in his response that Dola wishes he could dance (having been to a Costa Rican salsa club with his roommate, he knows this is a pipe dream).

At the end of the day, though, Edwin ran away with the sure victory, while Patrick can take comfort in the fact that he wins the most entertaining answer award. The future of Dola’s hair, however, remains uncertain, as he lost a bet with a friend on the Colby team about last week’s game in which his hair and eyebrows were the stakes. Although he intends to preserve the flow, Edwin is threatening to shave his head and donate the hair to Locks of Love.