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Thursday, Jun 20, 2024

Letters to the Editor - The Case of the Missing Condoms

Author: Daegan Miller

The Case of the Missing Condoms

To the Editor:

I know it is generally bad form to begin a letter with a disclaimer, but I feel the circumstances about to be divulged thoroughly warrant just such an apology. Having said that, let me now say this is not a sham, a joke letter or something intended solely to raise peoples' ire. No, instead what I intend to discuss is as serious as a heart attack and every bit as arresting.

Whoever stole 2000 Trojan prophylactics from the Gamut Room last Monday night is, in many estimates, not only invested with an incredible and probably far overreaching sense of self worth but also of just a generally mischievous demeanor. You see, Monday night in the Gamut Room (expertly run by Matthew Marley Sommerville '02) there appeared a band from Barbados named Desire. Like any band with such a name, they came well armed. Add to this the fact that they billed themselves as sounding like Greenday, and you can quite easily understand why 2000 Trojan brand condoms and somewhere in the vicinity of 100 sticks of Arid deodorant accompanied Desire to the Gamut Room.

But, before they could be distributed to those in need of either lubricant or a drying agent, they were made off with. Now, whoever did this is not fooling anybody. There is no way a man could be either sweaty or in demand enough to use all of the said products. I and the associated staff of the Gamut Room, including Sommerville, Drew Bennet '02, Devon Sigman '02, Pete Park '02, Cary Costello '02, Eleanor Tutwiler '02 and everybody else all join together in denouncing this outrageous act. And it frankly does not put my mind at rest to know that 2000 derelict rubbers are somewhere on campus waiting to be misused.

— Daegan Miller '02