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Reel Critic - 02/11/10

Recall the movies of our youth. Think teen comedies — “American Pie,” “Varsity Blues,” “Superbad.” Each of these movies shares a common theme, responsible for developing every shred of humor, tragedy and redemption. This theme is sex. In these movies, there are only two kinds of characters: those that are constantly having sex, and those that are constantly thinking about having sex, and their plots are based entirely on the interactions of these two archetypes. This makes sense, considering that to most hormonally frenetic teenagers, sex is of the most perceived significance. While these movies were funny, or at the very least seemed funny then, they generally lack a certain degree of sophistication. Their storylines are born of recycled interpretations of melodramatic teenage angst, their humor is only really only relatable to the 14-24 year old demographic, and their casts typically consist of a dispensable carousel of aging child actors. Disagree? Let’s try a quick ‘Where are they now?’ of the actors that carried these projects. Jason Biggs was really counting on that cameo he didn’t get in “American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile.” Aside from a two-episode stint as a schizophrenic serial rapist on “Criminal Minds,” and a recent guest appearance on “Lopez Tonight!” (both true), James Van Der Beek all but disappeared after leading the West Canaan Coyotes to their 23rd District Championship. Inexplicably, Michael Cera is still popular, though this can’t last much longer. Anyway, the point we’re hovering around is that movies enjoyed by adult audiences (note: not adult movies […] these are different), examine a more complex thematic landscape than your typical teen sex comedy, and usually require a cast of greater talent to do so. I accepted this as truth until I realized: it’s complicated. In “It’s Complicated” (get it!), director/writer/producer Nancy Meyers explores the tumultuous, and disturbingly active love lives of three 50/60-something singles. The movie stars Meryl Streep as a recently abandoned empty nester, Alec Baldwin as the philandering ex-husband who left for a woman half his age, and Steve Martin as the devastatingly emasculated architect hired to remodel her kitchen. And while all three of these characters seem to enjoy loving families, fulfilling careers and comfortable lifestyles, their existences seem wretchedly incomplete in the absence of one thing: sex. Therefore, with the help of a little blue pill, Meyers sends her three heroes on a quixotic journey to rediscover their own sexuality. But these characters aren’t having the sort of elegant, Cialis, twin-bath sort of sex we would expect a reasonable adult of their age to have. Instead, they lose all sensibility in a brand of impulsive, hijinks-ridden, prom-night rumpus, turning “Complicated” into an AARP approved Porky’s. However, as troubling as I may find the subject, this is not an indictment of the pharmaceutically enhanced libido, as the romanticized sexual promiscuity is only a symptom of Meyers’ apparent crisis of age. Amidst the uncertainty of their own aging, the characters tirelessly attempt reverting to a primitively contrived state of youthfulness. Streep, age 60, professes her genuine love of “The Hills.” Baldwin, age 51, uses Internet acronyms (e.g., OMG) in casual conversation. They both share a joint at a party celebrating the college graduation, of their youngest son. (The footage of Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin and Jim from “The Office” hot-boxing a bathroom should be used in an anti-drug PSA. Marijuana is officially no longer cool. If it ever was.) With her rendering of geriatric insecurity, Meyers suggests that one’s twilight years lack meaning, and that in order to achieve happiness, one must forsake the tired traditions of their own generation in exchange for a more rewarding life on the cutting edge. I sincerely hope this isn’t true. In fact, I look forward to my senior years, precisely so I won’t have to care about whatever 2050’s version of reality television, or Twitter, turns out to be. Furthermore, however flawed our generation’s social conventions may be, they do belong to our generation, and the manner in which Meyers’ characters embrace them is alarming. American youth culture has always been validated by parental disapproval (think rock and roll, or recreational drug use), and if the boomers continue to highjack ours, then what will it be worth? If “It’s Complicated” were simply another in a long line of middling romantic comedies, starring the likes of Dennis Quaid or Meg Ryan — talent equivalents of a Biggs, Van Der Beek, or Cera — we could have the luxury of ignoring it. Unfortunately it isn’t. Meryl Streep is perhaps the most acclaimed actor of her generation. Steve Martin was the funniest man on the planet for the better part of a decade. Though I’m not personally a fan, the umpteen-million viewers of 30 Rock would probably agree that Alec Baldwin is no slouch himself (although some don’t trust a man with an immaculate record). Their very participation endows a degree of legitimacy that suggests this film is reflective of a greater cultural trend. Should this be the case, let us encourage our elders to welcome the virtues of aging. Meanwhile, as they are the generation responsible for the current economic calamity, which has left ‘ditch-digging’ atop my list of post-graduate employment opportunities, let us discourage them from meddling in our present, for they have already ruined our future.

Valentine’s Day is just three days away, and you still have no plans. Do you get a clichéd gift or make a fancy dinner reservation? But there was some snide comment about it being a “Hallmark Holiday.” Maybe it is better to just ignore it. But will that only lead to a fight? Or worse and infinitely more confusing: the silent treatment? With all of these mixed signals, what is a lovestruck (or even a mildly interested) Midd-kid to do? Here’s a suggestion: communicate. Our sex columnists are constantly referencing it, and our favorite guest speakers — the duo behind I <3 Female Orgasm — claim that it is key, but still, men and women cannot seem to tell each other what needs to be heard. So, in hopes of improving your love life — be it this weekend or any other — The Campus has asked students to share what they wish the opposite gender knew about them. Whether you find these quips stereotypical or actually helpful, our hope is that it will at least spark some bi-partisan discussion. Oh, and to answer the first question, we maintain that, whether he or she likes the holiday or not, your best bet is to at least remind your special someone that you care on Feb. 14. — H.Kay Merriman, Features Editor Watch out for Connor Stewart ’10. —Drew Harasimowicz ’11 We’re generally fine with approaching you and starting a conversation. But it can’t hurt if you take the initiative. —W. Spencer Wright ’11.5 I’m not just a large male. —Kevin Glatt ’11 There’s nothing wrong with having a good time. -—Zach Devore ’10 You’re not always right. —Connor Burleigh ’10. I know you’d like to thank your shit don’t stank, but it does — it smells like boobooboo. —Mike Panzer ’10 I’d love to take off your shirt right now but, to be honest, I have no idea what to do with boobs — I’m like a dog chasing a car; what I am going to do once I catch it? —Will Surrette ’10 Don’t overanalyze my text message — I took six seconds to craft it. Don’t overanalyze my thoughts in general — they are much simpler than you think, and yes, I took six seconds to craft them, as well. Back rubs. Back rubs. Back rubs. —Donny Dickson ’11 I wish Middlebury women knew how jacked and tan I am. —Ben “The Situation” Rubin ’11 When you get upset about something entirely inconsequential, I question whether or not you belong at Middlebury. —Brooks Coe ’12 Make it obvious. We’re dumber than you realize. —Mike Bayersdorfer ’10 Just because there’s a goalie doesn’t mean you can’t score. —Jack Maher ’12 Men want women to know that we don’t like lists like this. —Avery White ’10 You’ve got to become friends with my girlfriends. Their approval is key. —Kristen LaPlante ’10 When you see me on a Friday or Saturday night, dressed in my best — a plain white tee, leggings, boots, cute hat and scarf — and you know I’m not going out, but I managed to bump into you anyway, don’t question it.  It was no accident. —Barbara Ofosu-Somuah ’13 You need to learn how to take a hint. —Meghan Mendoza ’12 Don’t shave. Ever. —Alice Ford ’10 We love the ruffle chips in Proctor. Stop loading your plate up with them and save some for us! —Laura Dalton ’10 Just asking counts for a lot. Suit up. —Sara Black ’10 Just because I’m taken doesn’t mean I’m not checking out your butt. —Hannah Parker ’10 Your sexist jokes aren’t funny. No, not even a little. We don’t have pillow fights at sleepover parties in our underwear. Sorry. —Amanda Quinlan ’10 All Middlebury women secretly wish they were the Coffrin toucher, pearls and all. —Dale Freundlich ’10 Good hygiene = importante. —Beth Connolly ’10 Sometimes we actually are tired, not just avoiding having sex with you! —Hallie Woods ’12 I love it when you open the door for me. Chivalry is not dead. If you are going to stare at me, at least pay me a compliment. Proctor salad bar is not a date. —Dallas Moody ’10

MOQA opens door to college community

Most of the campus hears and sees the action powering Middlebury’s Open Queer Alliance (MOQA) in April, with the dynamic Gaypril programming, and in October, during “Coming Out Week.” But behind the door of Chellis House and on the rest of campus, MOQA is still working, advocating and having fun the rest of the academic year. Whether through larger activities like the New England Small College Queer Summit at Williams College or with cookies and movies on Valentine’s Day, MOQA is launching into spring semester with fresh ideas and exciting events for students to try out. The organization is also hoping to become a more welcoming resource for questioning students. “I understand that physically crossing the doorstep into Chellis House and attending a MOQA meeting can be extremely intimidating for a questioning student,” said Jean Lin ’10, co-president. Lin is working on the Web site (go/moqa) with the goal of shaping the site and the organization to provide better resources for conflicted students. She also encourages anyone who wants to talk confidentially to contact her or co-president Wayu Niederhauser ’12 through e-mail. The membership of MOQA is composed of individuals who “make up the entire spectrum of outness, from being totally closeted, or out to the world, to somewhere in between,” they acknowledge on their Web site. This spectrum houses over 100 affiliated members, who also range in their roles: some are regular members and some attend larger events, while others want to stay on the mailing list to keep informed about the organization’s events. Still, some students are wary of coming to Chellis House, fearing that membership has certain connotations. “Forget everything you’ve heard about MOQA,” said member Chelsea Guster ’11. “If you’re at all interested, just stop by. I feel like MOQA has a stigma as being cliquey or unwelcoming, as if by going to a meeting, you out yourself. Don’t let those things stop you from dropping in. Though I can’t say everyone’s experience with MOQA will be like mine has been, I’ve found it a great place to get the ball rolling on certain projects, or even just to take a break and have a silly conversation. And with MOQA as part of the Middlebury community, it’s generally a good place to meet new people, just because.” MOQA is planning to organize and set up a PostSecret, a public display where students can post their thoughts anonymously, focusing on LGBTQ issues and to host an international panel about cultural differences relating to queer topics. In the fall, David Leavitt, a renowned professor and author, came to speak and this spring MOQA will welcome back musician Ezra Axelrod ’08, as its featured speaker. After studying voice, composition and piano at the College, Axelrod moved to London, where he was well received as a singer/songwriter. In 2009, along with Soho promoter Aubrey Dobson, he launched The Menagerie, a record label, management company and performance series all in one, which is now the only venue in Central London for cutting-edge performance art and music. Axelrod describes his own music as Vernacular and Realist, and many of his songs raise queer, or more specifically, gay, issues. MOQA’s membership will also be setting up a booth with information on the Food and Drug Administration policy that discriminates against gay men at the spring Red Cross Blood drive, and, per usual, partaking in the national Day of Silence — a student-led event that raises awareness about the silencing effect of bullying and harassment of the LGBTQ community. On March 6, about 10 members will be traveling to Williams College for the first ever New England Small College Queer Summit, where there will be sessions on identity, organizational leadership, and policy and activism on campus. “I think one of the most important steps for GLBT youth up through college students and adults is to know that they’re not alone,” said Jason Mooty ’12. “A Summit is a great way to congregate with like-minded individuals.” Though political activism is explored and enforced at such conferences, there is often debate when it comes to MOQA’s political role on campus. Some believe the organization should exist as a resource and space to meet people, work out issues and find support, while others stress action and advocacy for important issues. Last fall, members spent a night calling voters in Maine to prepare for the casting of the same-sex marriage ballot, working to rally support. Meanwhile, the organization also hosted tea nights and had plenty of meetings that evolved into simply interesting discussions among students in an open environment, so some members would agree that MOQA maintains its balance. The organization also balances how it spreads awareness — sometimes it is through non-structured advocacy as opposed to more formal events such as hosting well-known speakers or running politically concentrated booths. The members will hang random posters dispelling myths and misconceptions about stereotypes, queer issues and other LGBTQ “Fun Facts.” Other activities will include Colors Week, during which students can show their support for those struggling with their sexual identity by wearing a different color of the rainbow each day of the week. As for how these events and demonstrations are received on campus, members of MOQA range in their perspective on Middlebury’s level of acceptance: some are both grateful for the climate of tolerance at the College and still pushing for changes, while others find the atmosphere isolating and separate. “I think GLBT students are very welcomed and integrated in the community, and we are very thankful for that,” said Mooty. “It’s hard to remember sometimes that the rest of the world isn’t as accepting as this place. I’ve heard that there was some very homophobic behavior the year before I came here, but during my time at Middlebury, I haven’t received anything but support and love.” On the other hand, acceptance does not always mean comfort and ease to some. “While the climate for GLBTQ students at Middlebury is accepting, I think there is no real cohesion among the queer community,” said Tony Huynh ’13. “It can be quite frustrating and isolating, especially as a first-year, to find out that there are not as many out students than expected at a liberal institution in a state that has marriage equality.” “I feel that the queer community as a whole is more or less invisible,” said Lin. “Sometimes I worry that there’s a rift between the straight students and the queer students — not necessarily on a daily basis. What I mean is, when MOQA comes together to host events on campus (especially during April), my hope is that eventually, no one will think, ‘Oh, there go the gay kids complaining about discrimination, again’ or ‘Why do they have to flaunt their sexuality?’ A person’s sexual identity is just one part of the whole picture, and it doesn’t make him or her any more or less intelligent, tolerant, liberal, conservative or anything else.” Mooty expressed his commonly shared vision “to see MOQA as a place for discussion among all students, not just the queer minority.” MOQA meets every Sunday at 7:30 p.m. in Chellis House, where the membership continues to foster a friendly, welcoming atmosphere open to any interested student. As Huynh explained, the organization can exist as both a “goal-oriented group and informal way to meet other queer students to find support transitioning into college.”

Female orgasm team ‘peaks’ student interest

“Let’s Talk About Sex month” began with a bang, so to speak, on Jan. 12, as students piled into Dana Auditorium to witness the witty, alternative and ever-informative Marshall Miller and Dorian Solot present “I Love Female Orgasm.” Proponents of practicality, positivity and pleasure, the duo’s reputation clearly preceded them as a large crowd was turned away for lack of seats, and an even larger crowd waited to learn of the mysterious and often elusive Big O. “It’s great to teach about something that most of us missed out on,” said Miller. And as he and Solot took the stage, they were faced with a captive class of both men and women, the curious and the clueless, all unsure as to what they were about to experience. “I expect they’re going to cover a lot of uncomfortable topics and some people will be comfortable and some won’t,” said Kara Walker ’13. “I did hear that it was very funny.” Jeff Dobronyi ’13, who snagged a front-row seat, said he thought the lecture would be funny and interesting. “And useful!” he added with a grin. Miller and Solot did not disappoint. “Let’s hear it for female orgasm!” they began boisterously. And the audience surely got an earful. From fake orgasms to real orgasms, from porn to a complete overview of the female anatomy, the dynamic couple reached from professional and personal experience to give Middlebury students a thorough pillow-talking to. All this because, the audience was assured, sex and masturbation are totally okay. The main mission of the night, complete with innuendos and absolute honesty, was to provide good, accurate information on women’s bodies and sexuality, because, “without it, how will we have the confidence to say no to sex we’re not interested in? Or the skill to negotiate for safe sex with a partner that’s giving us a hard time?” asked Solot in a rare serious moment. She also discussed the rampant misconceptions passed along during childhood in addition to what she sees as society’s failures in sex education. Both laughter and incredulity permeated the room as students realized that, unbeknownst to the real facts, they had, in high school health class, fully internalized the textbook diagram of a woman’s fallopian tubes; Miller assured them that in the grand scheme of sexuality this anatomical map is probably an unnecessary scrap of knowledge. “It really hit home for me how they teach high school sex ed when I saw my friends taking drivers ed,” said Miller slyly. “You know where I’m going with this. We’re going to teach drivers ed like we teach sex ed in most high schools. You come to a classroom, and the teacher would say, welcome to drivers’ ed. You need to know that driving is very, very dangerous. You could die. So don’t drive. Until you’re married, at least?” Most importantly, what Miller and Solot had to offer was a positive spin on an age-old taboo subject. Tips such as “befriend your vulva,” “don’t give up,” and the great secret of “the Kegel,” though unconventional, were a welcome change for many. “I’m just really grateful that this is getting talked about,” said Kate DiPasquale ’10. “We’re at a turning point in our culture where it’s high time for women to start feeling comfortable with themselves.” When the duo finally signed off, “Wishing you good health, long life, and plenty of orgasms,” most audience members agreed that their presentation of “I Love Female Orgasm” really hit the spot.

Student explores e-dating scene

We have all seen the commercials: a couple framed in black and white and walking down the street in the rain, a smiling pair jogging through the suburbs, a slightly awkward but endearing dinner date. Online dating: is it as magical and effective as our television screens make it out to be? Jean Lin ’10 is the College’s resident expert, or at least experimenter, with the online dating world. Over winter vacation, while channel-surfing with her sister, Lin noticed many online dating sites advertising New Year’s promotions for open communication and decided to test the waters (or possibly, the waves). Lin did not decide to venture into online dating because she was personally upset with the Middlebury dating scene. In that department, she h aas been able to call one person a girlfriend, and has moved from friendship to chemistry with a few people. Inspired by “curiosity and insane boredom,” she set up accounts for free with http://www.okcupid.com, http://www.match.com and http://www.eharmony.com. These three sites were very different in format, user type and tactics. “Each has its own merits. It’s not necessarily that one is better than another,” said Lin. “It’s like apples and oranges — just different.” OkCupid allows a visitor to select what they are looking for, whether it be new friends, short- or long-term relationships or even “activity partners” (someone to hike with or meet up for tennis matches). The site also allows users to create the questions on the applications. “You can select what matters to you,” said Lin. “What do you think about gay marriage? You can select what your partner would ideally answer, and browse profiles that way.” Match.com, meanwhile, seems more activity-based than introspective: from Lin’s perspective, it seeks to “match” you with someone whom you are compatible with on a day-to-day level, while down-playing personality and communicative traits. Account holders are able to rank identity-based phrases, such as “I am spiritual,” while the profiles that appear to viewers are more superficial in terms of height, eye color and hair color. The most thorough and seemingly accurate of the three is eHarmony, where users are forced through, in Lin’s words, “an intense, crazy, really, really, long personality profile” designed to match you with a “highly compatible person” for the long-term. eHarmony estimates that its matchmaking was responsible for about two percent of the marriages in America in 2007. Though no scientific evidence definitively supports such claims, that statistic at least suggests that eHarmony alone could be responsible for nearly 120 weddings a day. Whether or not she has found her future life partner, Lin certainly had a whirlwind of a week leading up to her return to Middlebury. While browsing profiles on OkCupid, a man named “Thomas” emerged under her “local matches.” After reading through his About Me section on his profile, which listed a handful of random life experiences with no context such as “people from Afghanistan in Louisiana,” Lin realized she was intrigued. Thomas’ last sentence was, “You should send me a message if you made it to the bottom of my profile.” Lin sent a friendly response: “You said to send a message if I made it to the bottom of your profile! I think it’d be cool to hear some of your stories sometime. And don’t worry, I am not a psycho or looking for attachment.” When she clicked on her own inbox, there was an immediate response. Confused, Lin read the quick message asking her to meet up for coffee or tea sometime, only to realize after a few exchanges that Thomas had sent his message without reading hers; he contacted her at almost the exact same moment that she ventured to contact him. Already seeming coincidentally compatible, the pair decided to meet up at a Dunkin Donuts in her hometown in New Hampshire, as he was heading down to see his family in Massachusetts. “In my mind, this was all in the context of friendship,” said Lin, “but as I was heading out the door, I felt nervous. We didn’t know anything about each other! But I had made a few mental notes of things he had mentioned in his profile as conversation starters.” The conversation flowed smoothly, and about 45 minutes into hearing about his National Guard experience in Louisiana and his other elusive interests, he asked her if she would like to grab dinner. “Classic ‘don’t’ on an online first date: don’t get in a car with him,” laughed Lin. “What did I do? Got in the car.” In the hour-long snowy trek to The Skinny Pancake, they chatted freely, and the conversation continued naturally over dinner. The next question: did Lin want to join him to watch a movie on Netflix? “I have a certain level of trust, even with strangers,” explained Lin, “and if I don’t feel sketched out, I’m comfortable. I went to watch the movie, and needless to say, I have no idea what happened in it.” Still feeling comfortable, Lin realized that it was getting late, she had no cell service and her parents did not know where she was. (She must have read my expression over the table at Proctor Dining Hall while recounting this story, because she interjected, “I know, I know, my friends were cringing when I told them.”) Luckily, Thomas drove her home safely and they made plans to see each other again. “With the wrong person, things could have gone very badly, very quickly,” Lin said. After meeting up again for lunch and apple cider, Thomas offered to drive down to Middlebury to cook dinner for her at her suite. “He would not let me help,” she said, “All I did was grate some cheese.” The next day, Lin realized that her suitor was falling really fast for her. “That was never my intention. He was deploying soon and I did not want to get attached,” Lin said. She wanted to keep her distance emotionally, and she held back on communicating with him as he prepared to leave. “But he left his cross-country skis in my suite,” she said. “So I know he will have to come back eventually.” Meanwhile, Match.com brought Lin another interest: “Connor,” a 31-year-old fitness trainer from Burlington. “When he messaged me, I though, ‘Ugh, 31?’” said Lin. “But the title of his message was a quote from my profile. Clearly, he had read it and was not just sending messages at random to younger women.” On her profile, she had written, “If there’s something there, any geographical difference can be bridged in time.” When she confronted him about the age issue, he wrote back an echo: “If there’s something there, any age difference can be bridged in time.” Lin and Connor communicated from AIM to the phone to Skype, and on Friday, he traveled to Middlebury for dinner at Mr. Ups and a movie in town, with a long-stemmed pink rose — the flower she had mentioned loving in one of their conversations. Because they had talked in detail before meeting face-to-face, Lin was not nervous this time, and she really enjoyed the date. However, it was their last. “I don’t know where I am going to be next year, or the year after that,” said Lin. “I kind of didn’t want it to work out. But people who try online dating need to keep in mind that there really is a chance that it will work out. You might click.” While involvement with her high school sweetheart has ended Lin’s online experience for the time being, Lin realized that she was truly out looking for another version of the boy she never stopped loving — she found many merits in her test-run. “I find it difficult to be with someone on campus — everyone is so involved,” said Lin. “With Thomas and Connor, they dropped me off at Adirondack Circle, and I was back in my own place. It is not like a ‘study break’ that turns into a three-hour cuddle fest.” Lin describes herself as an advocate for “dating,” and why not incorporate online dating into that? She feels that Middlebury College needs a “dating revolution,” and working at the Health and Wellness Center has helped her reach out and try to effect positive change. “Some colleges have a date week, where it is fair game to ask anyone out,” said Lin. “It is sad that you would have to designate a week just for that. We should not be surprised or shocked to be asked on a date.” She cited something she learned in her “Social Identity and Higher Education” class: an individual adopts the mentality that everyone is thinking one thing, when actually, they are thinking the same thing as the individual. “If you see everyone hooking up drunkenly, you think that is what everyone wants,” said Lin. “You fall under the same impression, when in a lot of cases people want a relationship, just like you.” Though she accepts that there is a stigma attached to online dating — people imagine middle-aged men behind the screens of online dating sites — Lin saw many profiles of interesting young people who just happened to be very busty or live in small towns. She views this stigma as one that will change; some people just are not interested in the bar scene or forging a relationship from a random encounter in a club. From Lin’s perspective, people just need to change their attitudes about dating in general, and get over the fear of rejection. As for the flaws with Middlebury’s dating scene? She thinks it is fixable. “At the ‘I Love Female Orgasm’ talk, people were turned away at the door,” Lin explained. “People are interested in sex and dating. Just do it! Ask your Proctor crush out, or someone in the library. What’s the harm in asking someone to 51 Main?” Whether or not you choose to date online or to take Lin’s advice and strike up the courage for a walk down to 51 Main, reassessing and experimenting with the dating scene can give a new perspective. Maybe (preferably with cell reception and without a snow storm) a spontaneous date could bring you a long-stemmed rose and some apple cider. Even if it does not bring a true love, it could bring a few stories to tell over lunch, and perhaps some new angles on what you really want to find.

The L-Word - 1/21/10

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how other people perceive sex. Perhaps naïvely, I assumed that people with shameful or other negative feelings about physical intimacy simply avoided it, but sexual satisfaction is a need that must be met somehow, and I do know that it is all too easy to give in to desire. There are lots of people, then, who have intimate interludes and then feel really awful about it. This seems really obvious, of course, but since I formed my current understanding of sex, I have forgotten that I used to, and many people do, get intimate without it. My understanding is that sex is natural — perhaps the most natural thing humans do next to breathing and eating and sleeping. Sure, unlike those other things, you can live without intimacy, but why would you want to? In my early days as a sexually active young person, my ideas about kissing, oral sex, intercourse — the whole gamut, really — went through many different stages. When I was 13, long before I was more intimate than even quick kisses, I actually believed that you couldn’t physically have sex unless both parties were in love with each other. I was utterly in love with my first partner, my high school boyfriend junior year, but by the end of our relationship, sex had become my only indication that he still cared about me, even though there was no love in it. In the months after we broke up, I tried to reaffirm my self-worth through sex — never, ever a good idea. We are taught simultaneously that sex is an expression of deep affection, but that it can also be a meaningless way to meet physical needs, and, though I have since discovered that sex can’t both mean everything and nothing at the same time, I employed both of those ideas in trying to rebuild my self-esteem. I took any interest in sex with me as proof that my partner cared for me very much, and I felt a sense of control over my partner in that I had something he or she wanted, and I was “cool enough” to offer it, no strings attached. It took a loving relationship for me to realize that unless sex is in the context of other caring interactions, it’s rarely an expression of emotional attachment, and I didn’t have any more power over my partners than a hamburger does over a hungry person. In college, especially in those non-relationships I’ve discussed before, I’ve still been guilty of taking continued intimacy as a reaffirmation of my value to a specific person, but I’m beginning to get away from that behavior. It has taken a lot of discovering what sex isn’t to help me figure out what sex is, and my definition isn’t complete yet, but I’m getting there. So far, sex appears to be what I said it was in the beginning: a normal act of human nature. We are all programmed to get physically close to other human beings and reproduce — no denying that. What complicates the perception of sex are the many hats we force it to wear. It’s a physical urge without a rational explanation, marking us as no better than animals — thus it wears the hat of the taboo and debauchery. We’ve tried to elevate it by turning it into an expression of love — thus it wears the hat of meeting emotional needs instead of just physical ones. I think problems arise when we’re faced with the disparity between what sex is and what hat we’ve made it wear, and my life has become remarkably less complicated since I started reminding myself that sex by itself has no meaning but what I give it, and it’s the context that helps me make meaning. Being wary of and honest with myself and my partner about the context has made sex much more empowering and enjoyable for me, and I hope your own path to understanding sex, dear reader, is helping you achieve the same thing.

The L-Word - 1/14/10

Welcome back for Yay-term! Personal story time: the Sunday night before the last week of class, my dear significant other and I were relieving a little academic stress in the classic cowgirl position, and I misjudged the distance from my head to the wall behind his bed, seriously slamming my skull into it. Hello, Porter Hospital. Oh, I have a concussion? It’s cool — it’s not like I have any exams or anything. The stars I saw in this little incident are not the ones most people hope for when doing the deed, but aside from the killer headache, I would still call it a win. My screwing screw-up got me thinking, though — how often does over eagerness to hit the sweet spot cause injury like that? I’ve definitely acquired interesting bruises and a fair amount of rug burn, most of it caused because sex isn’t always the graceful act it’s chalked up to be. I used to worry that my lack of poise in the bedroom meant I was doing it wrong (if you’ve been a loyal reader of my column, you’ll notice that worry has been a theme), particularly when my history is peppered with events like an attempt to emulate the hot hand-on-sweaty-window action in Titanic that resulted in cracking the rear windshield of a guy friend’s car. I’ve come to the conclusion, however, that sex is a lot more fun if I can laugh at myself, and there is so often so much to laugh at. First of all, the next time you’re nose to nose with someone, take a second to chuckle at how ridiculous a person looks that close. Seeing someone from that position is a little like looking through a fish-eye lens, making the nose and eyes bulge out and everything else look disproportionately small. That close, my depth perception also tends to be a bit off and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone in for a gentle smooch only to smash my nose into somebody’s cheekbone. Too eager, again. Pardon me if this makes me immature, but I tend to giggle during intense movie make-out scenes when it sounds like the microphone has been shoved down the lead actor’s throat and all sorts of lip-smacking and tongue-slurping can be heard over the soaring soundtrack. Sex and all of its preludes are replete with bizarre noises, generally wet and squelchy ones. Honestly, if you take a step out of the heat of the moment, sex sounds a little bit like plunging a toilet. But don’t dwell on that for too long. Besides the symphony of bodily noises going on, our most carnal act tends to inspire some vocal sounds as well, and as anyone who’s ever had an active sinkmate can attest, the “oohs” and “ahs” of afternoon delights are unmistakable and unlike any other noises we humans usually make — another vote for the strangeness of sex, though I find those guttural sounds quite appealing. Forced sexy sounds crack me up, however. I’ve never been one for phone sex because that hoarse and breathy, barely-above-a-whisper voice we seem to be preprogrammed to use just makes me laugh instead of making me randy. Seriously. Tell someone you want to kiss their lips off in your sexiest voice and see if you’re not amused. Sex can be spiritual or urgently passionate or serious or sacred or pristine — I’ve certainly experienced those kinds of intimate connection and whew, boy! are they something — but it’s also one of the strangest, silliest and occasionally grossest things that we do as humans, and I think it should be appreciated as such. Laughter in the sack is a joyous acceptance, even celebration, of the many quirks to getting naked and invading each other’s personal space, and so this J-Term, my silly reader, I hope that your excess of free time is full of much giggling.

For the Record - 1/14/10

When the Strokes burst onto the scene in 2001 with their monumental debut, “Is This It,” many deemed them the saviors of rock. They would resurrect the dead garage and punk sound of the late 1970s and rescue the suffering public from the talentless grasp of boy bands and teen pop divas. For a while, the Strokes seemed to justify the hype, leading a garage-rock revival movement that included well-known acts like the White Stripes and the Libertines. The Strokes and their leader, Julian Casablancas, delivered edgy, melodic rock and impossibly cool narratives about New York City nightlife, casual sex and bad romances that defined an era. But, much like the garage rock bands they emulated, the Strokes and the scene they inspired have all but vanished. The band hasn’t released an album in four years, the White Stripes turned to arena rock with the release of “Elephant,” and the Libertines, fueled by Pete Doherty’s drug use and run-ins with the law, broke up in shambles. Worst of all, Britney Spears still has a firm grip on the spotlight. Now, eight years after the Strokes’ debut, Casablancas makes his first solo release with “Phrazes For The Young,” an ambitious and experimental foray into synth-pop and New Wave. Strokes fans may be dismayed by Casablancas’ change in musical direction (gone are the familiar downstrokes and staccato rhythms), but songs like “Left & Right In The Dark” and “11th Dimension,” the album’s lead single, retain the immediacy and swagger of the Strokes at their best. On “Ludlow St.” Casablancas laments the eponymous New York City avenue in the form of a stunning honky-tonk romp, which includes — as any honky-tonk romp must — banjo, saloon-style piano, and melodically picked acoustic guitar. If anything, “Phrazes” shows that Casablancas isn’t afraid to take risks, which was a constant criticism of the Strokes formulaic sound. On the surface, “Phrazes For The Young’s” electro-pop sound marks the LP’s greatest departure from Casablancas’ earlier work, but its lyrics, with their dark undertones and emotional vulnerability, are far more personal than anything the Strokes frontman has ever written. “Out Of The Blue,” the album’s opener, begins with Casablancas spouting shockingly depressing confessions: “Somewhere along the way, my hopefulness turned to sadness/Somewhere along the way, my sadness turned to bitterness/Somewhere along the way, my bitterness turned to anger.” As damaging as these lines are, “11th Dimension” carries “Phrazes’” most harrowing moment when Casablancas admits his relevance is tied to a musical trend: “So when’s it coming, this last new great movement that I can join?” If you listen closely, this album can be a real downer. Unfortunately, Casablancas wears out his inventiveness and introspection through the first five songs, allowing the last three to slump into rambling mediocrity. “River Of Brakelights” and “Glass” stretch on far too long and clutter themselves with synthesizers while “Tourist,” with its steam of nature metaphors, tries hard to be poetic but just sounds ridiculous. Still, despite these few mishaps, “Phrazes” is a solid debut release for Casablancas and one whose best moments show great promise for the new Strokes album due out in early 2010.

A Preface to Lunch: Marriage a.k.a "Desperation Psychosis"

Over this Thanksgiving break, my friends from high school and I got together in Boston for a “Boy’s Night Out.” Of course, we didn’t call it “Boy’s Night Out” — that would have been embarrassing — but as a graduate of an all-boys Catholic school, any attempt to hang out with friends ends up with us rolling 10 men deep into bars that tell us they would really prefer it if we could get a female to come along next time. I spent most of our night marveling at the fact that, in exchange for little more than providing a couple TVs and a place for strangers to make out, a bar establishment can get away with outrageous 800 percent markups on Pabst Blue Ribbon! I have a more cost-effective suggestion for single people: buy your own case (30 beers included! Batteries not) of PBR at an affordable price, sit down in front of your computer, and then see how many beers you can drink before e-Harmony finds a date for you. Of course, most people, including Luddites like me, prefer the face-to-face method of sex/relationship hunting — though a surprisingly prevalent reason I hear for this is “I don’t want to have to tell people I met my spouse online.” Seriously. I’ve heard this more times than I can count, and at this point my response to hearing such nonsense is to sing, to the tune of Fine Young Cannibals’ “Drive Me Crazy,” “don’t get married!” The reasons for this are simple. We’ve all heard about the 50 percent divorce rate, and most likely the other 50 percent are so worn out and beaten down from inner turmoil over their life choice that they would never tell you they’ve made a tremendous mistake. So, maybe I’m overstating the case a bit here. But think about it. Let’s imagine I’m leading one of those weird self-help, get-your-life-together type seminars, and I ask the hundred or so people in the room, “Have you ever been able to stand having one person in the role of your “significant other” for more than a year? Two years? Three?” At some point everyone in the room starts shaking their head. Then I ask, “Well, who is planning on getting married?” According to an admittedly small survey conducted among my single friends (and two people who accosted me to sign their Petition for the Environment), 80 percent of the people in this hypothetical seminar would raise their hands, citing the fact that they “haven’t met the right person.” At this point in the seminar, I would pause a moment for dramatic effect, before then cuing strobe lights and playing on the big screen behind me a creepy clip of me pointing at the camera, saying, “That’s because the right person isn’t out there!” And before the audience could even say, “Why did you play that obnoxious clip when you could have just told us that yourself?” I’d have hit them with my hypothesis about marriage. I call it Desperation Psychosis. Now, I have no basis for this theory aside from my own cynical views about relationships, but I have spent late nights next to a candle with a leaky quill pen writing drafts the of “The Communist Manifesto II: Marriage vs. Masturbation.” Though these writings bear only a loose resemblance to Marx, they do speak extensively of communal living with a mate. The anti-marriage arguments are overwhelming. There are psychologists guaranteeing that you’ll have to go through whole years where you just don’t like your spouse. You’ll argue, you’ll stop having sex, you’ll start secretly screwing the other members of your bridge club… But this is reality, they say. It’s full of compromise… But the thing is, though as an idealist I’d proudly tell my seminar not to give in to the “institution of marriage,” non-married life sounds just as terrifying. As far as I can tell, this is the situation we will be faced with in the next 20 years: The longer we wait to get married, the longer we watch all of the good-looking people leave the market. Then all of the sane people leave the market. Then even your hippie girlfriend Sunshine, who promised you she would never, ever get hitched, will be jumping at the chance to legally bond herself to some granola tycoon. So you look around at the ever-shrinking sex pool and you realize that your options are next to nil. There’s no one left! So what do you do? Oh, God, now you’re an adulterer! Shame! Guilt! H1N1-esque panic! Is life really this full of fear after Middlebury College? I presume not. I fear I may be getting delusional in my senioritis months. So I apologize. I didn’t mean to bring you down into my own psychosis. But if you continue to look for the perfect person, and you continue to pursue the goal of marriage, all I’m saying is you may want to get that commitment in writing from the guy who agreed to marry you if you were still single by forty.

The L word

A few summers ago, a friend and I were getting hot and heavy spur of the moment in the backseat of his vintage Cadillac (no seatbelts and at least as roomy as a dorm mattress!). It was nighttime in heavily forested rural North Carolina, so neither of us could see a thing until he opened his door to perform the usual post-coital clean-up, at which point he leapt out of the car and started screaming, “What did you do to my dick, woman?!” If you’ve never seen a man with a quickly shrinking GREEN erection jumping around, make it a life goal. Hilarious. It turned out that I had simply grabbed a green, sparkly and mint-flavored condom from the random health center assortment in my bag, unbeknownst to both of us because of the utter darkness. He got over it (the sparkles were actually kind of cute, we decided), but after our green sex, he did the least green thing possible: he peeled off the condom and flung it out into the woods. At the time I said nothing, but I like to think I have since reformed into a budding ecosexual. When I started my reformation, I looked at the basic materials for my safe sex routine: partner, contraception and setting. In terms of a green partner, I didn’t immediately seek a Prius-driving, hemp-wearing vegan (though vegetable-lovers are supposed to have the sweetest sex juices), but my opinion of a potential lover does drop markedly if I have to explain fluorescent bulbs or why we should shower together (to save water, of course). When my partner has been battery-operated and awkward to take through airport security, I’ve found a lot of changes to make. For one, many sex toys are made with PVC softened with phthalates. The former is environmentally costly to produce and dispose of, and the latter has a long list of health risks. Phthalates are in fact banned from children’s toys but not adult toys because they are usually sold as “novelty items” (not intended for actual use) to escape some unfortunate obscenity laws. Solution: buy 100 percent silicone or natural (wood or glass) toys, and if it needs to buzz, find one that’s rechargeable or solar-powered and save some batteries from the landfill. I’ve found Holistic Wisdom (http://www.holisticwisdom.com/) and Earth Erotics (http://www.eartherotics.com/) have nice selections of green gadgets. I’ve never been big on altering Mother Nature’s cycles, so I decided a long time ago that high-dose hormonal birth control wasn’t for me, and in terms of STD prevention, you can’t beat condoms. It turns out they’re pretty environmentally friendly — ironically, as long as you don’t try to reduce, reuse or recycle them. Latex condoms are biodegradable, but they do it best in a landfill, so no flushing them down a toilet or burying them on a camping trip. And using organic lube can only help the process — I’ve learned to avoid lube with petroleum derivatives in it. As far as setting goes, it turns out I can save on the heating bill if I set the thermostat lower at night and warm up the room with pre-bedtime shenanigans. I can also save energy and do it in the dark, or by the light of local beeswax candles. I’ve realized that the sustainability of sex applies to me as well as to the environment. If I take the easiest route to sex and don’t make an effort to have sex that’s good for me — and I don’t just mean safe, I mean good for my mind, body and soul — I’m getting myself into bad habits with potentially lifelong consequences. As with all types of sustainability, however, it can be difficult to be immediately 100 percent sustainable, so I just shoot for as environmentally- (and me-) friendly as possible.

Let's talk about sex, babies

Author: Veracity Butcher Throughout this semester, I've been encouraging everyone on campus to pursue their desires honestly and safely. Sounds simple enough, right? But what if you don't have any clue what you really want? I was talking to a good friend of mine the other day, and she's one of the most sexually empowered women I know on campus. She told me of her multiple trysts, and her potential crush list candidates, and I made a comment about how cool I thought it was that she could have healthy friendships with the people she slept with. She looked at me with a forlorn smile. "To tell you the truth, I just want a steady thing." Shock ensued, and then I completely understood her perspective. Despite the free love mantra I spout, I myself would rather have a monogamous relationship than a series of passionate flings. But I was still intrigued by her admission, so I asked her why she didn't just settle down. "I want someone to ravish me," she explained. "And no one has." Pause. Rewind. A girl who wants to be ravished? Doesn't that sort of behavior go with rape, pillage and plunder? She put it this way: "to me, foreplay is the most important part of sex. And that's where ravaging comes in. It feels a little dangerous, spontaneous, and rough, it's the feeling right before sex that you're butter in someone else's arms." Sounds yummy. At this point, I imagine Rhett Butler from "Gone With The Wind" telling Scarlett O'Hara, "you look like someone who needs to be kissed, often. And by someone who knows how." That pick-up line still makes me swoon, and not because of what came of it (they don't kiss for another hour or two), but because it made her suffer something so sweet.Deep down, I believe everyone wants to be swept off their feet. No matter how fun it is to dibble dabble, we all know (or at least have heard of) that feeling of your throat dropping into your stomach when a certain someone breathes in your direction. When that person feels equally tongue-tied around you, and you finally get around to that first kiss, your mind goes sunspotted, your hands can't help but grasp your lover like a long-lost friend, and every tickle of your tongues glints with electricity. That, the feeling of utter surrender to another being, is ravishing.But let's not take this idea too far. I'm not insinuating that deep down, every woman wants a man to thrust his tongue down her throat, throw her over his shoulder and bone her brains out. Ravishing is not about the whole damsel-in-distress/knight-in-shining-armor complex. No one appreciates an unwanted advance and men like to be ravished too. Believe me.In order to reach the magical infatuation land of which I speak, there has to be a tense build up to the moment of fusion. A succession of conversations, covert glances, and light skin grazing is key. Throw in a massage or two if you're feeling extra frisky. If the chase is too easy, the fling will undoubtedly fizzle out. And whether you want a relationship to come of it or not, the last thing you want is to be considered a lackluster lover. Remember that even if you're not sure what you desire exactly, ruling out what you don't want is a step closer to understanding your sexuality. I'm sure you don't want to be underwhelming.

"Affair" entertains with no strings attached

Author: Dana Walters Judith Dry '09 built her senior work, "A Black Tie Affair," upon a large foundation of cross-dressing in the arts. Since Shakespeare's "Twelfth Night," identity and gender confusion have been a staple of theater and film. Charlie Chaplin, Tony Curtis and Dustin Hoffman all donned skirts and slips when bowties and boxers were more the norm for members of their sex. Dry might not have Chaplin's finesse with slapstick or Curtis' ability to deliver a line, but she certainly holds enough humor, or as she claims, "charisma," to command a stage - for 45 minutes at least."A Black Tie Affair" chronicles the character Judy-Barbra's attempt to recapture an adolescence in which, she decides, life would have been far easier if she had just been a boy. This gender-switching role provides Judy with the hilarious obstacles that give the play its appeal. Episodes such as the dilemma of swimwear as a boy/girl and a college party that elicits intense penis envy occupy the stage, but the real action of the show turns out to be Dry herself, a one-woman example of what happens when someone with the power of wild zeal, uninhibited face-contortion and unbridled energy is given the opportunity to create.All throughout, she jumped and beamed across the small platform, consuming it in her insane, vigorous way. Her personality was just enough to follow through on the promise of entertainment, overshadowing the unfortunate reality that gender identity-based humor must be highly original to overcome its great and long legacy. The performance's short run time allowed most to quietly ignore this overbearing truth, and everyone who attended could laugh and delight in her antics without having to confront this realization. The perfection of Dry's show, therefore, lay in its timing.The experience of watching Dry prance about the stage - at one point, in a purple boa and sparkly one-piece, and at another, in eleven-year-old boy drag - was akin to the experience of trying to pin a label upon the show itself. Not quite cabaret, musical or play, the performance defied all identity, with the same stubbornness that Dry herself exhibited in refusing to wear one outfit for more than five minutes. With song, dance and multiple personalities, the show incorporated a bit of everything, most likely because Dry herself incorporated a bit of every emotion and transgression into her act. She threw temper tantrums like the best toddler, held her microphone in a delicate position to mock what she sorely lacked and explained her lesbian realizations with Jesus looking over her shoulder. Maybe it wasn't cohesive or sane - locked together only by the sometimes-uncomfortably high pitch of resounding vibrato - but Dry's "A Black Tie Affair" made a concoction of insanity look like a whole lot more fun. Trying to piece together the "story," after all, creates dizzying trouble, while sitting complacent in the presence of the madness lets the viewer leave with a brief respite for the mind. As an "affair," it works - asking for laughter without a drop of commitment.

Notes from the desk The castle on the hill

Author: Aylie Baker Last Saturday night I met the man of my dreams. Well, the men of my dreams.At first glance, it would seem as though Greg and Bob have got it all figured out. They lead vibrant, thoughtful lives. Bob is a charming artist. Greg, a once antique-selling post grad, is a captivating folklorist at the Vermont Folk Life Center, where I first got to know them. Last weekend, three friends and I were invited to dine in their home and step into their lives.At night they keep a window open to hear the brook outside. Their summer days wax and wane nestled in a room resembling the prow of a ship. They enjoy cooking, Brazilian music. Good sex. Collecting fish, weighing scales, lace, whisks, cr

Middtunes

Author: H. Kay Merriman Former "American Bandstand" host and pop culture icon Dick Clark once remarked that "music is the soundtrack of your life." It's true. Sometimes the best way to define an experience is through song. Certain songs remind us of the good times, and bad times can remind us of a song too. Whether that catchy little ditty you have been humming during class is a Top-40 hit that you just cannot get out of your head or a classic from before your time, it will always have special significance within that frame of reference. Seeing as it is nearly impossible to gauge the songs "most played" in your heads, we took a poll. What follows is the soundtrack for the 2008-2009 school year and the reasons why you should add these songs to your playlist."I Love College" by Asher Roth"Because that party last night was awfully crazy. I wish we taped it." Laura Dalton '10"The Proxy" by Raven"Because it brought the roof down in LoFo." Noah Feder '09"The Final Countdown" by Europe"Why? I'm a senior." Eva Nixon '09"Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley"You know the rules and so do I: Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you." Graham Majorhart '09"Love Story" by Taylor Swift"Poker Face" by Lady Gaga."I just haven't been able to get them out of my head this entire year!" Donny Dickson '11"I love this bar" by Toby Keith"This year my education has placed particular emphasis on the nuances of night-time extracurriculars." Annie Onishi '09"F*** her gently" by Tenacious D"Why? 'F*** her gently' is my best memory from college. (I high five Connor Stewart '10 every time Jack Black says 'That's f***in' teamwork!'" Sophie Thompson '09"My President Is Black" by Young Jeezy ft. Nas"BECAUSE HE IS!" Laura Dalton '10"Kid Cudi" by Day n Nite"Because it blew up in '09 after some sick early mixes in '08." Noah Feder '09"Hot Pants" by James Brown"The other night at the AAA fashion show everyone there fell in love with the girl in the pink hot pants. She made sunrises look like poop. Seeing her in those hot pants was the greatest thing that has happened all year. The rest is down hill." Israel Carr '09"Jerk it" by Thunderheist"This song embodies the 2008-2009 school year because its PUMP-PUMP-PUMP theme reminds me of the GO-GO-GO mentality that we have (just listen to the lyrics... and that BEAT!), yet at the same time, it is a song that instantly puts me into an amazing mood and makes me want to enjoy life, in the same way that spending great times with some people here do just that." Hannah Epelbaum '09"Hot N' Cold" by Katy Perry"This is a truly amazing song if all you want to do is roll the windows down, turn the volume up, and belt cheesy, pop lyrics with your girls!" Raina Lynn Crawford '10"Your Protector" by Fleet Foxes."I want to know if you would wait for me. The day I get back, the day I graduate, on move-in day and move-out day. There are plenty of good people I have met here at Middlebury, and I think most of them would." Charlie Freundlich '10"Jai Ho" by A.R. Rahman"Slumdog Millionaire was the best movie this year, and this song was everywhere. It's catchy, uplifting and allows you to bust out some killer dance moves from the movie." Spencer Wright '11.5"Ragged Wood" by Fleet Foxes"This particular song is a great sing-along with friends, but I think the entire Fleet Foxes album helped me survive the winter." Miranda Tsang'09"Does It Offend You Yeah" by We are Rockstars Now"Because it's the house song of the Giggle Pot." Noah Feder '09"I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time" (Designer Drugs Remix) by Mariah Carey"Nothing is better than an impromptu dance party with the people I love." Sakura Yagi '09"Negative Thinking About Tight Pants" by Ninjasonik ft. The Deathset"Because it provided many entertaining sing-along-stand-on-furniture-jump-up-and-down sessions. Two chairs and a couch have been destroyed thanks to this song." Laura Dalton '10"Hallelujah" by John Cale & Leonard Cohen"It was once a touching song that described the intimate relationship between Shrek and Fiona. Now, however, for anyone who has seen the movie 'Watchmen,' it stands for nothing more than a glorified sex scene that will haunt my dreams forever. Oh, how I miss the simple days of pure simplicity." Scottie Gratton '09"Proud Mary" by Tina Turner"Tina needs no explanation." Ann McGrane '09

UC prof shares the benefits of parasites

Author: Johanna Interian As part of the Saul Seminar Series, Dr. Marlene Zuk, professor of biology at University of California - Riverside, led a lecture on Thurs., April 23 in McCardell Bicentennial Hall titled "Why Doctors Need Darwin." Zuk provided an evolutionary perspective for looking at parasites that was not lacking in comic relief. "I really like her speaking style; she has a very accessible lecturing style and can explain a concept in 20 minutes that usually takes longer to understand," said Associate Professor of Biology Helen Young, who taught a first-year seminar called "Darwinian Medicine" in fall 2007.The lecture was largely based on her recent book, "Riddled with Life: Friendly Worms, Ladybug Sex, and the Parasites That Make Us Who We Are," which she calls "a happy book about disease" that runs counter to other more "militaristic views" toward parasites.Instead of looking at them as disease-causing pathogens, Zuk proposed that we see parasites as a natural part of our biological makeup. Since humans have coevolved in an environment with pathogens and disease-causing agents, Zuk claimed that completely removing them could have detrimental effects."I'm not suggesting that we should seek to be sick, but what if it's a force that we could learn to live with - like gravity?" said Zuk. "Gravity makes things fall and break, our skin wrinkly and our body parts saggy

Waters to wine The fallacy of 21

Author: Mike Waters As the writer of an alcohol-themed column aimed at college readers - the majority of whom are under the age of 21 - it is high time that I tackle the issue of the drinking age. While other more topical ideas were enticing - drinking in the great outdoors, drinking with parents, drinking in daylight (the now famous "darty") - younger readers would be critically underserved without attention to this important issue. The drinking age debate seems especially important here at Middlebury, given the attention we've gotten from President Emeritus of the College John M. McCardell's Amethyst Initiative and his nonprofit, Choose Responsibility. To support these endeavors, McCardell has made appearances on such esteemed television programs as the NBC's "Nightly News with Brian Williams," CBS' "60 Minutes," and - most impressively - "The Colbert Report." And while McCardell probably brings less controversy than some of Colbert's other guests - say, Bill O'Reilly - the drinking age debate remains a contentious issue.While all of us have grown up with a national drinking age, the idea itself did not exist prior to the 1980s. The law sprang out of broad legislation aimed at curbing drunk driving, which included several recommendations, the legal drinking age of 21 among them. According to Choose Responsibility, when this legislation was passed, the other recommendations were overlooked and individual states began passing drinking age laws almost immediately. The legislation stipulated that any state with a drinking age lower than 21 years of age would lose 10 percent of its annual federal allotment of highway money, so while there still exists no national law stipulating a legal drinking age, by 1987 all 50 states had laws on the books making 21 the new legal age for the purchase and consumption of alcohol.Current debate still centers on worries about drunk driving and pits Choose Responsibility against Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD), the main lobbying group in favor of the law. To support its position, MADD cites statistics that indicate a decline in drunken driving fatalities since the imposition of the legal drinking age and frames the debate as choosing between life and death. Arguing against MADD seems nearly impossible - after all, the organization supposedly represents something we're all for (mothers) against something we're all against (drunk driving) - and their framing of the argument makes anyone opposed seem in favor of car crashes with disastrous consequences.While MADD presents some valid arguments, the legal drinking age of 21 has proven to be a failure. Decreases in drunken driving fatalities are easier attributed to increases in car safety, seat belt use and designated drivers than to the law alone, and the law itself has done little to prevent underage drinking. Instead, as McCardell so effusively argues, the law has driven drinking underground, leading to rises in binge drinking as underage drinkers consume alcohol privately, often in large quantities.For my part, I see many good reasons to amend the law and bring the drinking age back down to 18. First, the idea of abstinence-only in relation to anything - be it sex, or in this case, drinking - is a na've concept. High-profile teen pregnancies dispute the effectiveness of abstinence-only approaches to sex ("Bristol" comes to mind, and I'm not thinking of the town in Vermont), and a stroll through a college campus on a weekend night similarly forces one to confront the reality of underage drinking. This reality - that kids will drink regardless of the law - means that we should work less to keep them from doing it than to make sure they do it safely. With a lower drinking age, those under 21 would worry less about hiding their drinking and could learn how to drink responsibly. If the age were lowered to 18, kids could better learn to imbibe from their parents, as parents would have the chance to have a legal drink with their children while they still live under the same roof, instead of sending them inexperienced into the overwhelming world of collegiate drinking.Additionally, I've always found the law about highway funding to be an interesting attachment to alcohol legislation. Given that the main lobby for a higher drinking age is specifically concerned with driving, it seems ironic that the two are so intertwined. In Europe - often cited as the model for a healthy drinking culture - drunk driving would rarely be an issue because of the many options for public transportation. So in addition to our dependence on foreign oil, suburban sprawl, bailouts and minivans, perhaps we can also lay the blame for our questionable drinking age on the auto industry. I'm surprised that no state has lowered its drinking age, highway funding be damned. Tourist revenue alone - from young people coming over the border to purchase alcohol and visit bars - would seem to be enough to make up for the loss of highway funding, although those dollars would probably be better put to use to build up national public transportation infrastructure.The opportunities for debate are endless - which could be why the issue persists, as all agitated underage drinkers eventually turn 21 and stop caring. So while a solution might not come for some time, young people can express their disapproval with some good old-fashioned civil disobedience - if only Thoreau knew protests could be this fun. Cheers.

Bare a pop opera

Author: Jameson Studwell Just weeks after Vermont passed a bill affirming same-sex marriage rights, Middlebury welcomed "Bare: A Pop Opera," put on by the Middlebury College Musical Players, to the Town Hall Theater. The plot of "Bare" follows the tragic love story of Jason and Peter, two students at a Catholic boarding school, as they struggle with being homosexual adolescents under the pressures of modern society and religious institutions. The play follows the course of their clandestine love from their bitter attempts to reveal themselves to the world to the tragic final graduation scene where they have broken up, Jason has gotten a classmate pregnant and overdosed, and Peter is left to pick up the pieces. "Bare" tackles not only the theme of young homosexuality but also the gamut of problems plaguing our modern American youth. From body image to teen pregnancy, from drug culture to parental expectations, "Bare" lays them all out for scrutiny. Admittedly, the show was too long - an hour-and-a-half first half is too long for any show, let alone an angsty pop opera. The characters and the trajectory of the musical were also somewhat predictable. Did anybody think for a moment that Ivy wasn't going to get pregnant?However, the actors did a credible job getting into their parts and portraying the characters believably. Nathaniel Rothrock '12.5 is a newcomer to the Middlebury stage, but he pulled off a convincing performance as Peter, the closeted homosexual caught between his identity and his faith. When Rothrock did not push his voice, it was clear and frank, making Peter appear sincere and adding a certain idealistic potency to his monologues about the crisis of faith he experienced during times of emotional agony.It was hard to get past the image of Schuyler Beeman '09, who plays Jason, half-naked and writhing underneath his costar Jess Spar '11 (Ivy). But it does not overshadow the credible acting that the hunky golden boy did elsewhere. Beeman captured both sides of his character- naturally charming but also tormented by his attempts to conform to the expectations of his parents, society and the church. The character of Jason dug into what it is like to hide one's identity by playing a role.The minimal sour notes of opening night were far outdone by some technically and emotionally beautiful moments. The opening chorale showcased the singing talent of the entire ensemble, which blended well, even though the exposure of such a small group made it difficult. Likewise, the pit orchestra deserves a nod for staying tightly together while covering a range of musical genres. Catherine McCarthy '09, who played Peter's mother, also created a beautiful moment with her solo in the second act, voicing the difficulty of parenting and loving a child that never seems to grow up according to plan. Two of the leading voices stood out: Sasha Rivera '12 and Darryl Johnson '12. Rivera, who played the golden boy's sardonic sister, Nadia, showed how the right voice could make the part come alive. The role of Nadia is a comedic gem, providing a dark background humor for the rest of the play, but Rivera's portrayal was the perfect mixture of comedy and tragedy. She carried on her shoulders the weight of oppressive parental expectations, the shadow of her brother and her own self-image issues, and yet she was able to sing in pitch while making every line sound like an impassive one-liner. Johnson stole the show, cross-dressing in the role of Sister Chantelle. Although the audience chuckled happily when he first appeared on stage, by the end it was apparent that he had something unique to bring to that part that no one else had: attitude. Johnson had the voice of a classic gospel singer and the attitude of Diana Ross, providing some much-needed comedic relief and even tenderness and guidance to the lost sheep at the school.A hearty kudos must also go out to the play's director, Kyle Drevline '12. In his first time producing for MCMP, Dreyline put together a production that was emotionally engaging. By limiting the actors' action during their solos, he built intensity into their minute gestures and drew the audience into the lyrics, which are both funny and true when audible. He even managed an opening night without a major tech malfunction.

OP-ED Inspirational history

Author: Michael and Judy Olinick While we agree with [Charles A. Dana Professor of Political Science] Murray Dry that achieving marriage equality in Vermont through the legislature rather than the courts was an important "first," we differ with him on some significant points: it's not accurate to say, as he does, that opponents of the marriage bill were not bigots. Many - probably the majority - were not. For the most part, opponents were Bible literalists, who could not or would not acknowledge the distinction between religious and civil marriage that was central to the debate, and who adamantly denied that civil marriage is a civil right. Many speeches, radio comments, letters to the editor and blog postings expressed virulent, undisguised homophobia. No one argued that anti-gay discrimination equaled or paralleled oppression of African Americans throughout US history. But laws prohibiting same-sex couples from marrying are clearly analogous to the anti-miscegenation laws that were finally overturned with the 1967 Loving v. Virginia decision.As to the issue of children's welfare: we don't see that the state has any defensible grounds for preferring heterosexual couples over same-sex couples as parents, except insofar as it is desirable for a child to live with both birth parents if the family environment is harmonious. But that scenario is not relevant to the marriage equality discussion. One of the opposition's bogus claims was that allowing gay and lesbian couples to marry would be harmful to children, but no credible support for this contention was ever presented. To the contrary, spokespeople for several Vermont mental health agencies testified that children suffer no ill effects from being raised by same-sex couples. Moreover, single parents and same-sex couples have been adopting children in Vermont for decades and will continue to do so regardless of changes in the marriage law. Allowing same-sex parents to marry will only enhance their families' stability and security, to the great benefit of the children.Apart from the law's transforming effect on thousands of lives, the powerful and emotional statements of several legislators and citizens, the overwhelmingly positive initial votes followed by the mean-spirited gubernatorial veto and the cliff-hanger override were high political drama. The history-making outcome was testimony to the inspirational leadership of Beth Robinson (whose supporters have been heard to say that they would follow her off a cliff) and to the brilliant strategic collaboration of Vermont Senate President Pro Tem Peter Shumlin and House Speaker Shap Smith, who handed Governor Jim Douglas '72 his first veto override and pierced his mantle of invulnerability.Passage of Vermont's new marriage law was not only a historic event for the state, but, we hope, will also represent a turning point in the nationwide campaign for marriage equality.

FML at Middlebury

Author: Jameson Studwell Today, I was thinking about this guy who I hooked up with the other night. I definitely felt a connection and was excited to see him at the dance tonight. He wasn't there, but when I got back to my room I found him. He was hooking up with my roommate. FML.I agree, your life is f***edToday, I was walking around Ross, looking confused. I was looking for the maple balsamic, and one of the dining hall ladies comes up to me and asks if she can help me with something. I told her I was deciding on a dressing for my salad. She looked me over and told me I should probably go with the red wine vinegar because it has no fat. FML. You deserved that oneToday, my grandmother called to tell me a really raunchy sex joke. FML. I agree, your life is f***edToday, I was at a party and ended up making out with a guy I had a huge crush on. After we stopped and he went to go talk to someone, one of our friends came up and asked me if I was worried that his boyfriend would be mad. FML.You deserved that oneToday, I was looking over at this girl during class. We had this cute, flirtatious thing going where we would make faces at one another during class while the professor lectured. This had been going on all semester but today after class she finally spoke to me. She asked if I would mind not staring at her all the time because it's weird. Apparently her friend sits directly behind me and I had just been creeping her out all semester. FML.You deserved that oneToday, my mom requested to friend me on facebook. I rejected her. She then texted me to tell me she was hurt by my rejection. She said she just wanted to be able to see how my life was going at college because I don't call her enough. Out of guilt, I friended her. This afternoon, she called me and I got a 20-minute lecture on how I need to delete my facebook immediately because I look like an alcoholic and my friends are sluts. FML.I agree, your life is f***edToday, I left the dining hall early to use the extra 10 minutes to print out my paper before class. I went to the first floor walk up computers in the library and printed to the third floor. I walked upstairs and the third floor printer had a sign saying it was out of order. I logged on to one of the nearby computers and printed it to the basement printer. When I got down there it too had a sign. I logged on again to send it to one of the two printers on the second floor. There was one functioning printer that morning. I had sent my paper to the other one and I was late for class. FML.I agree, your life is f***edToday, my parents drunk dialed me. It was Saturday night and my parents were more drunk than I was. FML.You deserved that oneToday, was April 12th. It snowed again. FML.I agree, your life is f***edToday, I woke up with burns on my leg and realized I had fallen asleep with my leg up against my radiator. My radiator is underneath my desk. I fell asleep, with no pants on, underneath my desk, next to the radiator. FML.You deserved that oneToday, this cute guy wasn't looking where he was going, and bumped right into me. I was momentarily stunned, and when I finally found words they were, "oh it's alright, I get pumped into a lot!!" FML.I agree, your life is f***edToday, I brought this girl back to my double. In the middle of going at it, my roommate walks in. He stood there awkwardly for a minute with a look of shock on his face. He told me later it was because he had never expected me to have sex. FML.I agree, your life is f***edToday, a couple of friends from another college were visiting. I'm dry for the season, but it was a Saturday night so I told them to take some beers out of the fridge. They picked them up and as they went to close the door a public safety officer walked by. She wrote me up for being friends with two people holding two unopened beers. FML.I agree, your life is f***edToday, my roommate drunkenly peed on my face thinking it was the toilet. FML.I agree, your life is f***ed-You deserved that oneToday, I finally splurged and bought a nice phone for the first time rather than taking the one that comes free with my plan. When I got back to the dorm I dropped it in the toilet by accident. FML.I agree, your life is f***edToday, I went to look at some porn on my computer. I had forgotten that last night we hooked up two massive speakers to it for a party and turned the volume up all the way up. The people in the rooms next to mine all heard what kind of porn I like. FML.You deserved that oneToday, I went to a bonfire. The next morning, I woke up in nothing but a lacy thong, sleeping on top of my RA's fridge. My pants were in a stranger's room next door. FML.You deserved that oneToday, I e-mailed my professor to explain that I would be missing class for an a cappella performance. The show ended earlier than I expected, but I'd already excused my absence so I frolicked in the sun on Battell beach. My class decided to take it outside that day ... 10 feet from where I was sitting. FML.You deserved that oneToday, my friend walks up to me and goes "oh my god you are going to be perfect for this! I'm writing a Middlebury Fmylife." FML.I agree your life is f***ed

Let's talk about sex, babies

Author: Veracity Butcher We are in the time of spring sunlight and bare legs. Sex is in the air. You like it, you love it, you want some more of it. Whether you are having good sex or wish you were having good sex, there is a decorum to the deed. Gay or straight, single or taken, a certain level of respect is not only implied in sharing your body with someone; it is also vital in your quest for good sex. And let's face it: no one wants to leave a session feeling like poop.Everyone has different sexpectations, but being considerate goes a long way. One of the most difficult parts of sex to navigate does not relate to the act itself, but the communication afterwards. If you've exchanged numbers with your partner, the temptation to booty call can get the better of you. That's okay. But even if you're in a steady relationship, dropping into your partner's room unexpectedly and sexpecting is uncool. Yes, I said uncool. Your lover's space and time should never be taken for granted, even if they genuinely would love to spend every waking moment with you. The last thing you want is to come off overbearing or clingy.Let's say you're not into a steady thing. Making that clear to who you're sleeping with is so very considerate, and it doesn't necessarily mean that they won't sleep with you. You definitely don't want to come right out and say "I'm just not that into you," but you can avoid exchanging numbers and talking about the future. Also, staying the night and cuddling sends a different signal than leaving afterwards. Some might consider an action like that pretty messed up, but at least it's clear. To avoid being pegged a jerk, be nice to your hookup afterwards. Saying hello at a dining hall shouldn't be that scary after having intercourse. You can keep things informal while still having manners, and it's important to send the signals you want to send without tarnishing your reputation. You must maximize your attractiveness when searching for more good sex. You don't want that potench sex bomb to hear how rude you were to so and so. And everyone talks. Just like there are polite ways of gossiping, there are courteous ways to treat someone you've slept with. Snubbing your hookup is like spreading a nasty rumor.Speaking of spreading things, I feel like Midd-kids are under this crazy illusion that STDs don't exist in our bubble, but they do, and having unprotected sex is self-deprecating and dangerous. If you're considering monogamy, make sure you and your partner get tested before riding without a seatbelt. Also, I believe all sexually active women should use birth control unless actively trying to get pregnant. Why not do all that we can to avoid buns in our ovens? I know I don't want to be a baker just yet.There are some very basic considerations that make all relationships function smoothly. For one, steer clear of ex-talk at all costs. No one you sleep with wants to hear about other people you have banged (or for that matter, would bang). It's unnecessary information. Most importantly, remember that sex is not always about two people. Don't disturb your neighbors and don't flake on your friends for a fling. On our campus, the hookup web is complex and surprising. Let's celebrate, not stifle, that fact. I've had overlaps with some of my best friends, and despite the awkwardness, we've accepted that attraction can't always be regulated. It's up to all of us to find a balance between passion and poise. One way to achieve this is to acknowledge that while sex shouldn't have rules per se, abiding to certain principles while playing the field makes us better team members.