That Damn Patriarchy

“Act like a man.” I am sure that is a sentiment older male figures have expressed to any young man at some point in their lives. And I am sure the reasoning was well intentioned, even if ill-founded. I’m sure they meant ‘be brave, don’t cry and be athletic’; all those colloquial things we see personified in James Bond, Bruce Wayne or hell, even Aragorn. It is all beautifully idealistic and just a tad chauvinistic. We never have to see the failure of this idealism that we keep out of sight and mind because, well, it makes us uncomfortable.

I am not sure if I am a feminist, but I would sure like to be. I know that men possess a comparatively higher level of social, political and economic power in this country. I also hold firm that this is fundamentally wrong. Yet, I cannot speak personally to these issues, as I am not a woman. I rarely if ever fear physical violence, I have never had to worry about abuse or assault and I do not have to make a choice between my career or pregnancy. Yes, men have luxuries that are unfair and wrong. While we gain these social benefits, men too have every reason to be royally pissed off with the patriarchy.

Yes, men reap the benefits of the societal structure in place, but they suffer from it too. If we look at violent crime, for example, it comes as no real surprise that men dominate in the statistics. Men are more likely to commit and be victims of violent crime. The rate of homicide for men in 2011 was 7.4 per 100,000 citizens, women at 2.0. Do we just have a violent nature? Well that’s just the way we are, I’m sure. Why doesn’t this surprise us? It certainly does not surprise me.

Let’s move on though. Did you know men make up 93.3% of America’s prison population? Well of course they do, they’re committing more crimes! It’s just in their nature. Yes, along with the highest incomes and CEO positions, men can also claim almost complete monopoly over our prison system. Statistically this makes perfect sense as men are committing the majority of crime, or in the case of violent crime, the vast majority. Why this disparity? I am uncomfortable with the gut reaction that men are predisposed to criminal activity. Wouldn’t that be a strange thing to tell a young man that compared to his sister he is more likely to go to jail and more likely to become president.

Lastly, the number nobody wants to talk about, but remains the most horrifying yet the most unsurprising, is that men claim the vast majority of sexual abuse and assault crimes. Again, this does not surprise us. If we keep our eyes open we can see signs of this every weekend night. Or better yet, ask women about it.

So we know these things, and I am sure by now the situation looks pretty grim. As is often the case with atrocities and things that make us uncomfortable, we are often prone to looking for “good” and “bad” instead of constructive solutions. Here I sincerely believe the patriarchy has failed men too. Men are almost always the perpetrators in acts of sexual violence and I genuinely wonder why. Can you tell me? Is it just coded in to us? Too much testosterone? I would argue the rape culture persisted in our society is less a facet of that and jokes about rape (though those certainly don’t help) and maybe something more ingrained. Maybe the reason is that men are continuously bombarded with images of validation and power coming as a result of sex. Maybe it’s because James Bond is always in control and always gets the girl, and every first grader can tell you who James Bond is.

Men need to stop being complacent in their status as aggressors. Men need to be willing to hold each other accountable, to understand that the system has failed us too, has predisposed us to more successful suicide attempts, emotionally distant relationships and violent crime. Conveniently, you also fail in “being a man” when you begin to question what it means. In my limited experience, “being a man” is not what it was cracked up to be. I want no part of a stereotype that promotes abuse and violence, and neither do many of my male peers.

Men should be angry at the gender normativity they are slotted into, just as women should be. We should be furious. We should howl and scream and fight alongside feminists and anyone else who is willing to stand up to a patriarchal gender system. We may choose to brush off statistics and stereotypes by claiming well, that’s not me; so I appeal to your sense of selfishness. Men, you have a reason to be pissed off and you should let the world know about it.