in my humble opinion Night of the living drunk

Author: Daniel Roberts

Last Friday night I was at the Grille, about to enjoy the Chicken Club that somehow, when I have been drinking, tastes like food cooked by Emeril himself. I have no doubt that you all know exactly what I mean about the bliss of Grille food at 1 am on a weekend.

Anyway, a girl I know was getting hit on by a guy I kind of know. The girl could barely stand up, and she was even subtly raising her hand to her mouth, about to boot. Not a pretty sight. Meanwhile, the guy was sober, and seemed to be convinced he was engaging her in a riveting conversation. When he turned his back for a moment, I went to say hi, and the tequila breath emanating from her mouth was so thick I felt like I had downed a couple of shots myself. This girl was on another planet, and the best I could do was hope she didn't walk out of there with "The Todd" from Scrubs, who was creeping by the condiment station waiting for her.

I realized the next day that this girl (who is a perfectly nice, pleasant person) represents the behavior of most students when they drink. The "drinking style" of college kids involves taking multiple shots until the desired level of obliteration is reached, or chugging multiple beers until the walls start melting and the floor is wobbling. Whatever game or funnel you use, "cheap beer" is the key, and the drinking is more like a race.

I saw this contrasted Sunday when I was driving back from Burlington with some friends, and we noticed the Magic Hat sign on Rte 7. None of us had ever been to the brewery or even knew it was there, so we spontaneously decided to stop.

From the moment we parked, an aura of joy was felt. Vermonters were lifting empty growlers out of their trunks for refilling, and drinkers old and young were excitedly waiting at the bar for samples. It was a dim, dank, magical atrium of beer. We even caught up with a tour, and noted the sparkle in the eyes of everyone present as we saw the hops being churned and the beer being bottled.

It was pretty interesting to see people excited about beer, savoring the flavor. Sure, perhaps seniors reading this are thinking, "What an idiot. I do that all the time." Welp, good for you, Mister High-and-Mighty. Good luck getting a job with that condescending attitude!

Seriously though, the brewery reminded me that in most cases, you don't often hear about a group of college kids casually enjoying "nice" beers, like the new Magic Hat "Night of the Living Dead" ale (yes, I'm being paid for that plug). Instead, you run into friends at Hannaford buying thirty-racks of Busch Light, ready to kill a whole case in an hour. Where is the leisurely enjoyment?

It is totally cool to chug some watered-down, cheap beers and get hammered with the boys, then go out and do some hammering of your own. Still, I think it might be a refreshing break to spend one Saturday evening sipping a fancier beer, musing on life. I know, who has the time, when there are better things available, like beirut? Trust me, I know. And yet, the time can be found. You just have to desire that moment of clarity brought on by slowly draining a nice, delicious six-pack of something great.

And hey, I bet if that girl at the Grille had been sipping on some Magic Hat for a few hours, instead of slaughtering a bottle of Cuervo with her friends, maybe she would have had an easier time standing up.

Daniel Roberts '09 is an English major from Newton, Mass.