2008 Woodie Awards
op-ed: Why wasn't I invited to the party?
Sarah Luehrman
Issue date: 4/24/08 Section: Opinions
I am a student at Middlebury College who can hardly be called a minority in any way - I "sit in a place of privilege … in sex, race, class, orientation [and] citizenship," according to Ryan Tauriainen's op-ed that appeared in last week's Campus ("Factcheck: the gay experience at Middlebury"). Yes, I am in the majority in all of those categories, a white, straight woman from just outside of Boston. But that does not make me limited in any way, and I'm tired of people telling me that it does.
Ryan, why wasn't I invited to your party? You admit that the invite list was "strictly GLBT" (a telling adverb, I might point out), and go on to suggest (rather than assert?) that "open-minded straight people" were welcome to attend. Thanks, but when I don't know that the party's happening, how can I possibly get the message that I am welcome? I can assure you that I am a very open-minded straight person. I've even lived with a gay man, who I know will attest to my open-minded-ness. He was actually kind enough to invite me to queer-oriented functions when we were living together, and I assure you that I had more class and more discretion than to tap a gay couple on the shoulder and give them a big hearty thumbs-up and a smile.
My anecdote might not measure up to your impressive list of roommates and friends who are different from you, but that's not entirely my fault. I am effectively closed off from the Middlebury gay community. Apparently being open-minded isn't enough to be viewed as worthy of a secondhand invite to your party. I have been on campus for just as long as you, Ryan, and you win - you've got more international and gay friends than I do. That is because I haven't actively sought to befriend any group of people over any other, gay or straight, American or international. The reason that parties are composed of mostly white people at this school is that the majority (the vast majority, I should say) of our student body is white. I can't make the same statement about gay people because I can't eyeball a person and correctly identify his or her sexual orientation, but if you insist that the majority is outwardly straight, I'm perfectly willing to believe you.
Ryan, why wasn't I invited to your party? You admit that the invite list was "strictly GLBT" (a telling adverb, I might point out), and go on to suggest (rather than assert?) that "open-minded straight people" were welcome to attend. Thanks, but when I don't know that the party's happening, how can I possibly get the message that I am welcome? I can assure you that I am a very open-minded straight person. I've even lived with a gay man, who I know will attest to my open-minded-ness. He was actually kind enough to invite me to queer-oriented functions when we were living together, and I assure you that I had more class and more discretion than to tap a gay couple on the shoulder and give them a big hearty thumbs-up and a smile.
My anecdote might not measure up to your impressive list of roommates and friends who are different from you, but that's not entirely my fault. I am effectively closed off from the Middlebury gay community. Apparently being open-minded isn't enough to be viewed as worthy of a secondhand invite to your party. I have been on campus for just as long as you, Ryan, and you win - you've got more international and gay friends than I do. That is because I haven't actively sought to befriend any group of people over any other, gay or straight, American or international. The reason that parties are composed of mostly white people at this school is that the majority (the vast majority, I should say) of our student body is white. I can't make the same statement about gay people because I can't eyeball a person and correctly identify his or her sexual orientation, but if you insist that the majority is outwardly straight, I'm perfectly willing to believe you.
Viewing Comments 1 - 5 of 6
Todd
posted 4/24/08 @ 2:37 PM EST
Her specific complaint is justified but her broader case against the Middlebury queer community is overstated.
She's treating them like elitists who will their separation from the rest of the campus. (Continued…)
Gabrielle Friedman
posted 4/24/08 @ 4:17 PM EST
It would have been a good compromise to have a party in honor of queers to which the entire middlebury community were invited. Then queers who went could feel confident that anyone there supported them, regardless of each individual's identity. (Continued…)
Jason '06
posted 4/25/08 @ 9:36 AM EST
Why weren't you invited? Here's a tip: in general, if there's a party and it's not advertised, it's a private party for a group of people and their friends. (Continued…)
Molley
posted 4/29/08 @ 7:16 PM EST
I can see what people mean, though, when they say that MOQA's being attacked. Many organizations have parties and only invite their members. And if that organization happens to be race, or place specific (for instance), then aren't they doing the same thing?
I. (Continued…)
Ryan
posted 5/01/08 @ 8:07 PM EST
Dear Tristan,
My private actions are not required to conform to the MOQA message simply because I am not defined by my sexuality or position in that organization. (Continued…)
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