2008 Woodie Awards
The Deserted Bandwagon
MATT KUNZWEILER
Issue date: 4/6/06 Section: Features
MCAB, we delegated to you an important responsibility - and you shamelessly went ahead and organized a spring concert that will utterly fail to celebrate the values that characterize Middlebury College.
We students demand a performance that will salute our time-honored principles: diligence, sportsmanship, honesty, sobriety, nutrition, hygiene, punctuality and cross-country skiing. That's what we're all about. That's what we cherish. And we expect our visiting musicians to reflect and reinforce our level-headed convictions.
Consider for a moment Naughty by Nature's track record: Were you aware that MCs Treach and Vinnie were arrested in 1997 for illegal weapons possession? How are they going to set a good example for our impressionable students? Additionally, some of their lyrics go so far as to incite violence in their listeners. MCAB, do you wish to see students "knuckle-up" at NBN's behest and participate in an all-out melee? Is this what you want - to imperil our values?
The concert's headliner, Jurassic 5, is no better. They brazenly speak of "puffin cold spliffs" in one of their songs. If you consult the College handbook, you'll find that Middlebury does not approve of narcotics use. What if we trusting and good-natured Middlebury students unsuspectingly take the advice of these hip hoppers and are coerced into experimenting with "cold spliffs"? Personally, I can't imagine. But I do know this: without such harmful advice, it would never occur to students to ingest psychotropics during a musical event. MCAB, if I get high during the concert, I'm holding you responsible.
(As for Rahzel: his talented beat-boxing will only encourage untalented a cappella beat-boxers to reach for their dreams - which would be obnoxious.)
But the more I think about it, the more I realize MCAB is totally "down" with hip hop and its morally unsound messages. This is demonstrated by MCAB's slang-savvy emails which invariably conclude by saying: "Peace out players, one love, holla, shazaam - MCAB out." Sometimes their e-mails even rhyme.
We students demand a performance that will salute our time-honored principles: diligence, sportsmanship, honesty, sobriety, nutrition, hygiene, punctuality and cross-country skiing. That's what we're all about. That's what we cherish. And we expect our visiting musicians to reflect and reinforce our level-headed convictions.
Consider for a moment Naughty by Nature's track record: Were you aware that MCs Treach and Vinnie were arrested in 1997 for illegal weapons possession? How are they going to set a good example for our impressionable students? Additionally, some of their lyrics go so far as to incite violence in their listeners. MCAB, do you wish to see students "knuckle-up" at NBN's behest and participate in an all-out melee? Is this what you want - to imperil our values?
The concert's headliner, Jurassic 5, is no better. They brazenly speak of "puffin cold spliffs" in one of their songs. If you consult the College handbook, you'll find that Middlebury does not approve of narcotics use. What if we trusting and good-natured Middlebury students unsuspectingly take the advice of these hip hoppers and are coerced into experimenting with "cold spliffs"? Personally, I can't imagine. But I do know this: without such harmful advice, it would never occur to students to ingest psychotropics during a musical event. MCAB, if I get high during the concert, I'm holding you responsible.
(As for Rahzel: his talented beat-boxing will only encourage untalented a cappella beat-boxers to reach for their dreams - which would be obnoxious.)
But the more I think about it, the more I realize MCAB is totally "down" with hip hop and its morally unsound messages. This is demonstrated by MCAB's slang-savvy emails which invariably conclude by saying: "Peace out players, one love, holla, shazaam - MCAB out." Sometimes their e-mails even rhyme.